2017

 

What a year. 2017 is the first time, in a long time, that I’m not lamenting about all of the highs and lows. Of course there were lows, but they weren’t the kind of lows that have to be included when reviewing the year…they were so insignificant that I don’t need to talk about them. Do you know how fucking amazing that feels?! For the first time in a decade, it was a year full of nothing but good. I. AM. THANKFUL.

I am content, at peace and comfortable.

I am in love, my son is healthy, my family is full and healthy and happy, my job is comfortable, my goals are overflowing, my car runs great, my bills get paid on time, I have a fantastic support system. Life is good.

This year was full of life experiences, from traveling to Cancun with all the ladies in my family, to Vegas, to FLYING a freaking plane. I learned how to do lash extensions…which is going to change my life, I was invited to be on the Fashion Advisory Council at Lindenwood University, I went to weddings and Butchlorette parties, concerts, New Orleans, got 2 tattoos, got engaged and got a cat. Bucket lists and goals checked off all around.

 

2017 was a great year, and I can’t even imagine how incredible 2018 is going to be for me. 2018 is going to be a time of HUGE change. By summer next year, nothing in my life is going to look the same and I’m so excited and ready for what is about to happen to me.

For everyone in my life, thank you. I can’t do this without you. I love you.

 

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kryptonite

how do i let it get this far?

I see the signs, but the rose colored glasses are far too strong.

These boys come swooping in with a glimmer of illusion, empty promises cause confusion.

The love the real, but the disease they cannot heal.

inner demons rip from inside.

To them i’m a light, solace, and quiet in the night.

me- suffocated under years of tumult and unrequited love. baring the punishment to the expense of long lost lovers.

my heart is much too big, my soul too soft.

The prospect of fantasy and soundless words are my unwavering kryptonite

Internally, I’m wonder woman. Strength, unmatched. Passion, unwavering. Endurance, unquestioned. Buy my heart wall crumbles like an dust at the smallest whisper of lust.

Maybe

Maybe it’s my calling to love those incapable of loving themselves.

Maybe it’s a reflection of my own soul telling me I don’t love myself.

Maybe I just fall too fast.

Maybe I love too easy.

Maybe I see the love they deserve, even when they will never see it in their own self.

Maybe it’s some sort of superman complex that I think I can be the one to save them.

I’m drawn to tortured souls. Ones that have been through immense pain. Conditioned to feel not good enough. Unworthy of love. Ones who’s self hate is torment to watch.

Time after time…they hide…but the truth comes out little by little, after my heart is already bound.