30 by 30

In 2015 I wrote a list of 30 things I wanted to change by 30…here’s how I did.

1. Be debt free- have all of my stupid debt paid off….–as of TODAY I paid off the last of my stupid debts. I still have a car payment and student loans, and one credit card…but anything in collections is OVER. I’m so happy to be done with that part of my life.

2. Create and live off a budget–Working on it. I try really hard to live by a budget. I’ve started tracking my spending using an online app and have plans to take a Dave Ramsey class.

3. be a work from home mom–I’ve started two businesses that have my 3 year plan to be able to quit my job.

4. have my own business….or be well on the way to that–CHECK. I started a tshirt dropship business and now operate I Wink STL- a lash extension company and am starting to teach classes.

5. travel outside of the united states–CHECK- I went to Mexico

6. have my own place again–almost CHECK- I have a contract in on a house. I’m praying to be a home owner before by birthday next week.

7. find my tribe—I’ve always had my tribe—I’ve been surrounded by a group of great women from a very young age.

8. go on a trip every year—since I made this list–CHECK–I’ve visited South Dakota, New Orleans, Cancun, and this year will go to Tennessee and hopefully the beach.

9. have a job i love–CHECK- my full time job has gained a lot of responsibility and benefits that I’m happy there again and I’m well on my way to being a full on business owner.

10. be in love again–CHECK- and engaged

11. foster great relationships—CHECK—I think I’ve pushed out all of the negativity in my life. My circle is small and appreciated.

12. have a plan to pay off my student loans—not check, but I’m paying on them regularly so big steps

13. pay off my car—not check- but I’m working to pay it off a year early

14. cherish my time with ethan—sometimes check—I know these days pass by quickly but I get lost in the trenches sometimes. I love that boy and I try my best.

15. figure out how to grow up, not grow old—The last few years have taught me a lot. I value my time and happiness above all else now…I think I’m on my way to this one.

16. throw a great dinner party for friends—A thousand great girls nights CHECK

17. do something truly exotic—I’m still waiting on my jungle expedition or trek across Europe, but I’ve taken my life into my own hands and I think that’s pretty exotic.

18. throw myself a huge birthday party—My mom is doing it for me…but I love birthdays and I’m really looking forward to 30

19. learn how to make a great drink—I can make a pretty killer martini and a bad ass sangria

20. go on a road trip–CHECK– I took Ethan to see Mount Rushmore and went to NOLA with my mom

21. work out regularly—not so check–but I try and I eat better these days

22. write a book–not check, but I have an outline for a novel and the write ups for about 3 ebooks–working on it

23. visit memphis—drove through it

24. visit new orleans–CHECK- mother daughter trip complete with tattoos

25. visit new york and vegas for fun…not work– i haven’t made it back to new york, and though technically It was still for work, I flew out a couple days early to vegas and enjoyed time to myself!

26. celebrate mardi gras–not check-maybe next year

27. take a trip with my best friend—me and Ali have yet to get our road trip—one day soon I hope

28. learn how to make a difficult dish from scratch—check- I perfected my lasagna and have made quite a few dishes since this original post

29. go on a helicopter ride—not check, but I FLEW A FREAKING PLANE which is way cooler

30.  play hookie for a day.—lots of checks….one of my favorite things is playing hookie and having a mommy and ethan adventure day. I’m planning one in the next week or so.

 

 

I did pretty good so far…plus there are a million other experience’s i’ve had that I couldn’t even have thought to add to this list.

 

Goodbye 20’s. I sure learned a lot from you. I learned about love, partied with rock stars, got lost and came back stronger. I became a mom, took responsibility for my life and learned a lot of tough tough lessons.

I’m ready for my next decade. I’m ready to take it on with open arms.

 

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2017

 

What a year. 2017 is the first time, in a long time, that I’m not lamenting about all of the highs and lows. Of course there were lows, but they weren’t the kind of lows that have to be included when reviewing the year…they were so insignificant that I don’t need to talk about them. Do you know how fucking amazing that feels?! For the first time in a decade, it was a year full of nothing but good. I. AM. THANKFUL.

I am content, at peace and comfortable.

I am in love, my son is healthy, my family is full and healthy and happy, my job is comfortable, my goals are overflowing, my car runs great, my bills get paid on time, I have a fantastic support system. Life is good.

This year was full of life experiences, from traveling to Cancun with all the ladies in my family, to Vegas, to FLYING a freaking plane. I learned how to do lash extensions…which is going to change my life, I was invited to be on the Fashion Advisory Council at Lindenwood University, I went to weddings and Butchlorette parties, concerts, New Orleans, got 2 tattoos, got engaged and got a cat. Bucket lists and goals checked off all around.

 

2017 was a great year, and I can’t even imagine how incredible 2018 is going to be for me. 2018 is going to be a time of HUGE change. By summer next year, nothing in my life is going to look the same and I’m so excited and ready for what is about to happen to me.

For everyone in my life, thank you. I can’t do this without you. I love you.

 

kryptonite

how do i let it get this far?

I see the signs, but the rose colored glasses are far too strong.

These boys come swooping in with a glimmer of illusion, empty promises cause confusion.

The love the real, but the disease they cannot heal.

inner demons rip from inside.

To them i’m a light, solace, and quiet in the night.

me- suffocated under years of tumult and unrequited love. baring the punishment to the expense of long lost lovers.

my heart is much too big, my soul too soft.

The prospect of fantasy and soundless words are my unwavering kryptonite

Internally, I’m wonder woman. Strength, unmatched. Passion, unwavering. Endurance, unquestioned. Buy my heart wall crumbles like an dust at the smallest whisper of lust.

Maybe

Maybe it’s my calling to love those incapable of loving themselves.

Maybe it’s a reflection of my own soul telling me I don’t love myself.

Maybe I just fall too fast.

Maybe I love too easy.

Maybe I see the love they deserve, even when they will never see it in their own self.

Maybe it’s some sort of superman complex that I think I can be the one to save them.

I’m drawn to tortured souls. Ones that have been through immense pain. Conditioned to feel not good enough. Unworthy of love. Ones who’s self hate is torment to watch.

Time after time…they hide…but the truth comes out little by little, after my heart is already bound.