and today I feel inadequate.
The best advice I received while pregnant was give breastfeeding 6 weeks. If you can make it that long, you’ll be able to make it.
So I set small timelines for myself. I’ll give it a week, 6 weeks, 3 months. I met all of those goals and I am so proud of myself. I sustained a life with my body alone, for a year now. One year ago, I was pregnant and for the last 3 months, I’ve breast fed my son.
When I started back to work, I would get 12-18 ounces per pumping. It was great and easy and I was so encouraged. But as time has passed, I’m tired, I don’t drink enough, I miss a pumping session here, I get stressed out and in the last few weeks, I’ve watched that 12-18 ounces dwindle to 1-2 ounces per session, maybe 4 on a good day. I’ve watched my freezer stash empty and every time I dipped into it, my heart sank a little.
I’m not anti-formula, but now that I’m facing formula feeding as a reality, I hate the thought of giving it to my son. I feel discouraged. I’ve tried to prepare myself for the fact that this day might come. and I know that it doesn’t mean that I have to stop breastfeeding, but today is hard. I feel inadequate and I feel like I failed a little. So tonight, I’ll pump like crazy, try some of the tips and tricks to increase my supply and say a prayer. If it works, great and if not, I’ll pack formula in the morning…and probably cry a little…and I’ll prepare for the next phase of my mommyhood.